Dear pilgrims of hope,
do we dare to hope that people can change?
Proverbs 26:11 tells us: “Like a dog that returns to its vomit is a fool who reverts to his folly”. The definition of insanity is said to be doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. St Paul spoke in 2 Corinthians about a thorn in his flesh that he begged to be removed from him. And Mother Angelica, the founder of EWTN is said to have remarked that “If it wasn’t for people, we could all be holy”.
Today’s culture is full of advice of removing people that are not good for us from our life. If they keep on hurting you, then just walk away, we are told. Should it be that easy? Or would we eventually end up all alone if we just walked away. Because being with people involves inevitably getting hurt.
Please don’t misunderstand. Nobody should stay where their safety is in danger. I know this from own experience and the truth is that these are the relationships that we do not easily walk away from because we are in real danger and there are dependencies at play.
However we need to stop going to people for help that keep hurting us and keep letting us down. Even if we want to try one more time. Because we think that next time it will be different. That is not giving up hope, because we know that God can change people. But it will be in His time, not according to our expectations.
We need to love others for who THEY are, not for who WE want them to be. We can pray for them, bearing in mind to always add to our prayers “Thy will be done, not mine”. When we get angry or want to run away, we can run instead to the Cross. There is a version of the serenity prayer that sums it up quite nicely: “God grant me the serenity to accept the people that I cannot change. Courage to change the one I can. And Wisdom to know that the one is me.”
Other people are like sandpaper. They will smoothen our rough edges, our sins, and we are the ones that are changed. This is part of our pilgrimage to sainthood, dear pilgrims of hope. One day in heaven we will understand all the hurts that make others treat us in a way we do not deserve. Let us remember that God loves us and that we are worthy in His eyes. And that is all that counts. Grace cannot be earned, it is given freely to us and we only need to receive it.
